The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
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