i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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