I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
50% drunk capacity currently
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
