Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
