hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
smell my finger.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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