I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
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