; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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