My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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