hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
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