I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
