So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
