Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
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