Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
I am midnight drunk by noon
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
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