You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize
