If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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