just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
