im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Randomize
