My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Randomize
