Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
