is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
But we have bathrooms and they dont
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