the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
