Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
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