just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Randomize
