just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
