farters have to be the big spoon...
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
