So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Randomize
