I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
