how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
