last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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