Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
