The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
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