I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
