jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
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