I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
