Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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