Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
