did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Randomize
