I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
