Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
