I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
