I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Randomize
