I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
