I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
