I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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