Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
You need Xanax blowdarts
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
