guys are not supposed to queef...right?
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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