Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
