WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Randomize
