we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
