I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
