In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
