Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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