Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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