??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Randomize
