I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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